Happy Pride Month
Damn, you gay?
“Damn, you gay?” is a phrase I hear or sentiment I feel from people often. Dating women is something I never hid but I find that people’s response to me casually mentioning my girlfriend is, I don’t ‘look gay’ (whatever the hell that means). Being a Southern Belle who grew up in the church, I quickly came to the realization that people in my community would whisper and have their opinions. Did I ever care? Absolutely the f*ck not.
Coming Out Story
To be honest, I never really had much of a coming out story. I met my first girlfriend at college in 2014. I saw her on the bus leaving the student union and was instantly attracted. At that time, I didn’t really know what that attraction meant but I was fearless in my pursuit to better understand it.
One night, we were at the club where all the black students would frequent called Midtown at Georgia Southern University (IYKYK). I didn’t know she had a girlfriend at the time but after I chugged a 23 oz. can of watermelon FourLoko, my inhibitions went out the window. I can’t remember what song was playing but it didn’t matter because before I knew it, I was backing it up in her direction. Was I ashamed? Absolutely the f*ck not but I should’ve been. Word on the curb was that her relationship was on it’s last leg.
We just so happened to have a mutual friend, so I let them know I was interested. It was the day before fall break and I somehow ended up at her house with our mutual friend. Numbers were exchanged and we talked the entire break.
The very first person I told was my best friend Chi. I went to visit her in Atlanta one weekend and simply told her, “I like a girl” and she just said “Ok, is she cute?” I’m forever grateful to her for that because in reality, it’s not a big deal. After telling my bestie, I was on a roll. Next, I told my sisters and they had the exact same response. My daddy told me he always knew (men think they know every damn thing lol) and my mama was a bit shocked at first but asked if I was sure. I told her I was positive and before I knew it, I was bringing my girlfriend home almost every other weekend.
My family and friend’s support never wavered and for that, I’m blessed. We went on like business as usual and that’s how it remains to this day. They just want me to be happy no matter who I’m dating.
How did I know I liked women?
No shade to all the boys I dated in the past but something was always missing. If I never left Macon, Ga, I definitely would’ve gone down the traditional path of a Southern Belle. Get married, have kids then eventually ruin both of our lives because I never really like him. It sucks that society teaches us that this is our only option. I wish we could all live in our truth without being judged or shamed.
I knew that I loved women because the gentleness, beauty and understanding resinated with my spirit. There’s a deeper connection I was able to form. It’s like I found a secret oasis, hidden within my mind but was discovered at the first sight of a woman I felt I could love. Now, I get to live there forever. Yay me!
After my first girlfriend, I thought it could’ve been a fluke. I tried conversing with men every now and then just to be sure but it didn't sit right with me. I could never replicate the oasis I discovered with dating women. No sense in wasting anyone’s time. Loving women is my only option if I want to live a life fulfilled. And I’ve done just that.
My advice to all the Baby Gays:
1. I know it’s hard, but be willing to possibly lose relationships that were important to you. Know that the relationship with yourself is the MOST important. If that person was meant to be in your life, who you decide to love shouldn't matter. I understand that things can some times be complicated but always put you first.
2. Give yourself grace. You may not know if you’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community right away. It’s not something you must have figured out over night. Take your time to decide before ‘coming out.’
3. Be confident. Having confidence is easier said than done but work on it. As we all know, the world can be unkind to the community. One thing people can’t question is confidence. If you love who you are out loud, no one can object.
4. Seek therapy. Therapy is the best tool to help you navigate life. If you’re a black person in the community, therapy can be a safe space and guide to live a life fulfilled. Be sure to partner with a therapist who acknowledges and understands intersectionality.
Not only am I proud of who I am but I hope that my journey is proof that blessings will continue to flow, even if you date the same sex.
My love of almost 3 years ;)
